11/10/1986 to 04/27/2005

The Life of a gentle boy that will...

"Forever be 18 years old" 


       
You will be etched in our hearts for etirnity sweet boy 


From me to you
I know this is a rough time for you, So I will be as gentle as I can be. First of all, thank you for so many tears, particularly those shared with another that you love. They are a gift to me, a precious tribute to your investment in me. As you do your mourning, do it at your pace only. Don’t let anybody suggest that you do your grief work on their timetable. Do whatever it takes to face directly the reality of what has happened, even though you may need to pause frequently and yearn for my return. Do this with courage and my blessings. Know that sometimes inertia is the only movement possible. Give your best to keeping a balance between remembering me and renewing your commitments to life. It’s O.K. with me if you go through minutes, hours and even days not thinking about me. I know that you’ll. never forget. Loosening me and grabbing hold of a new meaning is a delicate art. I’m not sure if one comes before the other or not, maybe it’s a combination. Be with people who accept you as you are. Mention my name out loud, and if they don’t make a hasty retreat, they’re probably excellent candidates for friendship. If, by a remote possibility, you think that there is anything that you could have done for me and didn’t. I forgive you, as my Lord does. Resentment does not abide here, only love. You know how people sometimes ask you how many children you have? Well, I’m still yours and you are still my parents. Always acknowledge that with tenderness, unless to do so would fall on insensitive ears or would be painful to you. I know how you feel inside. To be included as your child honours me. Read, even though your tears anoint the page. There is an immense library here and I have a card. In Henri Nowens’ "Out of Solitude" he writes, "The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair and confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." Dad, I don’t know where you are spiritually now, but rest assured that our God is not gone. The still small voice you hear in your heart is His voice. The warmth that sometimes enfolds you is Him. The tears that tremble just beneath your heartbeat is Him. He is in you, as I am. I want you to know that I am O.K. I have sent you messages to ease your pain, they come in the form of flowers that bloom out of season, birds singing, voices and visions and sometimes through your friends and even strangers who volunteer as angels. Stay open but don’t expect the overly dramatic. You will get whet you need and it may be simply an internal peace. You are not crazy, you have been comforted. Please seek out people bereaved longer than you. They are tellers of truth, and if they have done there work, are an inspiration and a beacon of hope whose pain lessened dramatically and one more wisdom before I close. There are still funny happenings in our world. It delights me to no end when I hear your spontaneous, uncontrolled laughter. That, too, will come in due time. Today, I light a candle for you. Joined with your candle, let their light shine above the darkness Affectionately, Your Angel child.

I miss you Son
I write this back to you son, my grieving started when you went away. As for Min, hrs, days to set you aside for anything in this world would be impossible. To lose a friend is heartbreaking, losing a child. Your heart goes with them. To ease my pain some, would be for me to know you took a few minutes to; Get right with the man son. For whatever reason you made this decision, it Hurts. But, I hold no anger. Just sorrow & loneliness of not having you here to Grow old with me. I’m sad for knowing you will never get to be a father yourself, to have a child that’s an image of you. You loved us & you were loved very Deeply by your family & I. We will miss you son. We will always carry you in our hearts and never forget you. And if by chance you get lonely, call out Our names; we too will hear you. I’ll be counting the days to see you again. Remember, you were unique & one of a kind my son. Your memories I will Always treasure, yourdad.




Their is a very special Angel that lives in my heart,
who resides deep within, since my Son had to part.
My special "Angel" is forever eight-teen years old,
and he keeps me warm, when I feel out in the cold.

Bringing precious memories on a bright sunny day,
always helps me find [myself] when I lose my way.
Even though he's close bye, I always miss him here,
this Angels my best friend and I still hold him dear!

Sometimes he will sing to my aching soul for awhile,
or may tap me on a shoulder that brings out a smile.
His soft laugh plays.... like a hymn within this mind,
of this brown eyed kid, that was so gentle and kind.

Once in awhile my angel will rustle trees in the night,
then warm up my heart to show me that he is alright.
This Angel is my "Son" that keeps an eye on his pop,
and his love in my heart {not one day} will ever stop.

I can feel his tears when it rains {so hard} on my soul,
the sadness inside asking "why" he had to pay this toll?
He has these beautiful white wings and is laced in gold,
for my special Angel is...                                              
                                   "forever eight-teen years old"



            

                



        

    
See My Wings 
Written for Adam by; Aslanlight

See my wings
Now I can fly
I soar around the universe
Swifter than sound
Faster than you can think it
I know it

Deeper than the ocean
I feel you
The silver chord that binds us
Is unbreakable
I am but a shadow away
Feel my vision on your cheek

I see you look for me
So close your eyes
I am no further than a whisper
And have not abandoned you
I have simply moved on
So be at peace as I am

        

       




Baby Boy

I sit and look through your memorial page
images in every picture seem like yesterday.
For that is all I have left to hold on too,
of my ~baby boy~ that has now gone away.
A squint in your eye when it was so bright
'that scar' that ran all across your cheek,
the; "Hey pops" you that know I love you
all-the-while hugging me so gentle and meek.
My mind wonders to different places of time
while I listen to music that you once played,
I can almost hear you again singing words
and funny "little" movements you displayed.
Then I come to a picture, its of you and me,
with our arms over one another’s shoulders
like some friends were “Forever meant to be"
I came across a photo of you in motocross
that day when you jumped that hill so high,
I still remember everyone’s "Ewes and awes"
and your beautiful smile as you went bye.
'Oh Son know” That was just so long ago"
but I'm glad it still feels like yesterday.
For that is all I have left to hold on too...
of my ~baby boy~ that has now gone away.
This is wrote from a fathers hurting heart
that this worlds time may never heal or dry,
for I miss the friendship of my baby boy
as I sit here by myself and trying not to cry.





I feel you 

I feel you in the sunshine, On a bright hot August day.
I feel you when the wind blows, I never want it to go away.
I feel the; DAD I LOVE YOU, When I’m sitting in the night.
I whisper; I LOVE YOU BACK, That tells me you’re alright.
I feel you when I see children play, In the park just up the way.
I find myself  "drifting and going there", almost every single day.
I feel you when the leaves fall down, From the highest tree above.
They come down & brush my face, Like the wings of a baby dove.
I love to feel the memories of you, When my heart is feeling down.
It seems to put a smile back on my face, And takes away the frown.
I feel you when I look up at the stars, They twinkle and they shine.
It is like that look you had in your eyes, when you were still mine.
I feel you when I look to see a flower, it's so beautiful and new.
and son I know When it rains, the angels are crying for you.
As you took the lords hand, and it was Time for us to part.
Time I hold dearest, is when; I FEEL YOU IN MY HEART.
I feel you in the sunshine, On a bright hot August day
                                                             By; your pops






Adam J Boehling was born in Fountain Valley, calif on Nov 10 1986. We named him Justin for "just in time" He grew up in a small town of chino hills, calif. Always had a love for motorcycles and motocross, (got pretty good too) He was a great cook, always had a job. (hated being broke) He loved music like 50 cent, puff daddy, N/ B.I.G.,Topac. I remember coming outside in the evening time and see him and his friends huddling in a circle doing there (flowing) He could do it with the best of them. He was always so full of energy. He would attempt to fix anything. So self learning, and felt so proud when he brought it to you "here, its done" He had a smile that was ear to ear, the biggest brown eyes. He moved to riverside co. with his dad and brother and later moved with his dad to North Carolina. no matter where he moved, he could make friends so easy. Adam was the kindest boy you would ever want to meet. If you were cold, he would give you the shirt off his back. If you were hungry, he would help you find food. If you were in trouble, he'd be the first one there to help, he didn't have much but gave what he had. His dad and him rode a motorcycle from coast to coast (approx 2600 mi) they had such a blast. He finished up his schooling and got his diploma in N.C. When he turned 18, got his drivers lic (he was so proud that day) He got his first car (a mustang) In N.C is where he met the girl of his dreams, Erica. Boy you just couldn't tear them two apart. He was so smart, Adam was an absolute Gorgeous young man, A heart as big as the ocean, always wanted to help someone. Stubborn as a mule, but a heart of gold. We lost Adam early morning on April 27 2005. Adam has three sisters in california. Lacey is 10, Rylee is 7, and Hope is 5. They adored Adam, and he cared about his little sisters very much. Adam also has an older brother Joshua 21, which he grew up very close with. They had their moments but, his brother loved him so much. Adam also has a little brother Nicholas, he is 21 months old and was just getting to know his big brother. Adam has a stepbrother and sister, Vincent & Elaina, he didn't get to spend much time with them but, he cared for them allot. And they were very devastated when Adam left us, and still hurt very much. He left behind allot of people that cared so much about him, and will always carry him in their heart. We all miss you so much son, and you will forever be etched in our hearts. May you rest in peace. We will see you again in heaven .
your pops





11/10/1986 to 04/27/2005
What happened that morning that you had to go away?
It has been almost six months now & I still cry today.
Because I lost a son that was wonderful, I can never replace.
I found you in the woods, I'll never forget that look on your face,
it broke my heart beyond repair, now your gone without a trace.
All I have are just "memories" of a boy that I miss so much,
beautiful eyes, a scar on his cheek & the kindest gentle touch.
What happened that day you asked angels to come take you away?
Was your heart broke too son, or was it feeling too much pain,
Did you live without sunshine & felt left standing in the rain?
Thats what dads are for, to be their and help make it right,
To teach, understand, and listen, while keeping you safe at night.
I'm having a hard time living with the fact that your not there,
I feel like I must have turned my back or you didn't think I'd care.
But that could never be the truth, I wish I could have made you see,
Do you understand how important you are, what you meant to me?
I would give my life just to have you back in my arms today,
But thats just not possible, "God didn't make this world that way".
They say that time will help me heal, and to let go of the pain,
Now I feel like the one without sunshine, left standing in the rain.
You're the most important person in my life, that will never fade,
You were one of Gods greatest gifts with a promise to him I made.
Son, you are in my heart and in my heart you will forever stay,
The feelings I have for you my friend will never go away.
Know you were not just my son, you were a special friend to me,
But you had pain in your heart, and now the Lord has set you free.
I'm sure one day I will see you again, in our heavens up above,
You are still my one true friend, and I never have doubted your love!
By: your Pops 





If I could see what tomorrow would bring...                       
Today I'd have kissed you before you went out the door,
while telling you I loved you and kissed you once more.

If I could see what tomorrow would bring...                        
I would have taken the day off just to spend it with you,
shared the "Wonderful memories" we had been through.

If I could see what tomorrow would bring...                       
Today would have a start, and would never see an end,
you would have known that you were my "best friend".

If I could see what tomorrow would bring...                        
I would hug you so tight and I'd never let go of you son,
every hug I gave, alittle more love I'd put into each one.

If I could see what tomorrow would bring...                        
I would have lasso'd and tied up the sun to hold it away,
so I could show you how much I love you one more day. 

It's impossible to see what tomorrow brings...                      
I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, before you went away,
for there is many things to you that I would love to say!





Stepping through the stone of heaven and earth,
seeing a reflection of 'once, what was mine'.
Only the fading sun seems to cloud my memories,
of these past judgements I've hastily made.

They will forever remain within my heart,
never to allow a second chance to change my path.
Tears fall upon "An Angels shoes" with pain,
leaving only the scars of ~yesterdays promises~

My heart is filled with overflowing sunshine,
from this loving spirit that guides my soul.
The skies dim hue of greys still settle in my heart,
while the "wind whispers" for a gentler day.

Trees let go of {lifeless leaves} and drift away,
as the season takes on a new transformation.
I shall watch over you within the windows of time,
of a spring morning that fell on yesterdays promises. 

Think of Me...


As the sun reaches through a distant dark cloud,
the seagull sits perched timid and proud.
Taking in the warmth from the gentle waters breeze,
after his long returning flight over the ocean keys.
Nothing to fear as these rolling waves relax his mind,
while the forces of nature being so suttle and refined.
Soon the tide will rise and he'll begin to depart,
with his wings brushing the skies like a work of art.
This sun will soon set across these waters afar,
and again bring back the brilliance of an evening star.
Quite far away from this gentle place of the mind,
a lonely mans heartaches from loss of his boy so kind.
As the tears reach through this same distant dark cloud,
his soul mourns on and screams abruptly out loud.
Unlike the seagull, sorrow encases this mans flight;
clouded memories continue to unbalance clear sight.
He too with nothing to fear and beyond turning back,
the forces of nature this time have not cut him any slack.
Soon his heart too shall rise and begin to depart,
as wings from angels brush the sky like works of art.
And the sun again will set across the waters afar,
returning this time with a new brilliant evening star.
Until such a time that these two souls can again mend, 
he must live with just memories of his Son and best friend.






   




 

   

    

   

  

No longer are my days "Black and white" as I live in the gray,
I'm trying to make heads or tails of it since you've went away.
 The only thing clear is, I'm one day closer to seeing you again,
wiping this dust off my knees, while my memories gather pain.
.
Many obsticales in my life have always stayed black and white,
 till the day you went away my son, now it all is dark as night.
Some days are better than others, but this sadness remains,
as ~chains of emptiness~ continue ...running through my veins.
.
Everything was black and white when this man became a dad,
now my days are "numb and gray" after losing a beautiful lad.
Nevermore will I see the smile that made my heart skip a beat,
 and brought happiness to this soul with its clarity so complete.
.
My days now are destined to be scattered among all the haze,
lying awake in bed at night, trying to think of good ole days.
Lord won't you help me make sense to this reason of despair?
and what did he do to anyone, for life to treat him so unfair!
.
Sometimes I think to myself, heaven will save me your smile,
to let me live again one more day, as I reminisce all the while.
Until then, I'll go living day to day with questions in the gray,
without answers in Black and white and holds my tears at bay. 









Wind lightly picks up through these afternoon skies,                                     
as I sit upon my porch rubbing tears from my eyes.                 
Time has passed very slowly as if it's come to a halt,
               and this trip I'll be taking today, to your burial vault. 
                               I remembered "White Roses" were your favorite Son..
               and the fond memories of you; have only just begun.
  While ~The Pops I love you~ is still so fresh and clear,
almost as you {My friend} were right next to me here.               
Your smile lives on through these pictures and my mind,                              
and the visions of an Angel that you have left behind.               
  I can imagine your "bike" riding across our front yard,
                 while I fight back the tears, but it's just "So very hard!" 
                            Well my Son I have come now... to visit with you again, 
               and all of the 'Angels cry with me' as it begins to rain.         
 Your marker is etched from a polished stone of time,     
  with inscription {In our hearts} of a consonant rhyme.                     
It's peaceful here, nothing but sound of drops remain,                                   
I kiss & lay down a rose trying to refrain my hearts pain.          
      The air has now become still with 'Not one single sound',
                       another memory placed in my heart of this sacred ground.

Sometimes we misplace an important touch of a friend,
or something special... that they may have penned.
Our daily live's seem to eat up every passing day,
and we don't take just a minute to make sure they're ok.
.
They send us notes, say "Hey" or give a simple smile,
in hopes we might just stop and chat for a while.
So I'm taking a moment to let you know,
your friendship is precious to me, don't ever let go!
.
I'm sending you these flowers to share a little part of me,
and in my heart sweet friend, you still hold a key.
May all your days be filled with sunshine without rain,
or my absense to never cause you any pain.
.
You're always In thought during my daily life's plans,
and know you are still "One of my biggest fans"
It may seem ~I forgot you~ when a few days go by,
but don't fret I'll be back in the blink of an eye.
.
If you get lonely and don't find me right there,
my spirit shall keep you in "Tender loving care".
Your beautiful face makes me smile when I think of you,
giving me a moment to bring you back into view.
.
Feel my presence, for I walk just behind you,
to keep you safe and warm with all that you do.
So I'm sending all these flowers so you won't forget,
and the words of a friend, "I'm glad that we met!"

Some nights siting here alone wondering where you are,
and how time has kept going by leaving this terrible scar.
No more late nights picking you up and bring you home,
you have gone to those fields of heaven, to forever roam.
.
The picture sits upon my desktop still holding your grin,
that baseball cap at a tilt, and a love in your eyes within.
A picture I will forever cherish, polished on a daily note,
as I whisper many words while trying to clear my throat.
.
There's not a day goes by, this heart don't want to stop,
while missing precious words saying; I sure love you pop.
I'm working at night thinking I got through another day,
I look to your picture once more with my mind far away.
.
How do I make it without you thru so many more years?
and hold myself together, while fighting back these tears.
I guess this pain never goes away when you've lost a son,
with this voice repeating, Who really was the lucky one?





~ Remembering Adam ~
Written by; LilacThOughts-

Two years slip by without Adam your son
Today as you mourn, fresh tears have begun
Never thought from your life he would depart
A shining gem now treasured in your heart

A shining gem now treasured in your heart
His zest for life was like a work of art
Love still ripples across your tearful streams
You never saw him accomplish his dreams

You never saw him accomplish his dreams
God reached down to relieve his pain it seems
But when days start without Adam Boehling
He’s right by you, an angel on God’s wing

He’s right by you, an angel on God’s wing
Calming you with love only he can bring
Shhhh! Listen to the sweet songs of the lark
As Adam brightly shines through all the dark

As Adam brightly shines through all the dark
Remember - his charm will forever spark
He’ll always be around - so close to you
Especially today when your hearts askew

Thinking of you today
Adam Boehling


      



  

Adams Song
By, Sewasham
 
Softest eyes so dark and brown
A happy smile, a stubborn frown
Strength of will that was so strong
These are part of Adam’s song
In those rays of morning sun
That greets you when the day’s begun
There you’ll find his warmth and love
Caressing you from up above
In evening when the sun has set
But darkness has not come quite yet
He is in that twilight star
That bids goodnight from there afar
Dwelling deep within your heart
Are feelings that will never part
Remember those good times you had
The smile that said “I love you Dad”
All these simple things are such
That soothes the soul with gentle touch
Of a father who can only wait
To greet his son at heaven’s gate
Each memory becomes a note
Of a melody your son once wrote
In your heart they will belong
To the music known as Adam’s song

"Your pop's misses you Son"
                                    Until we meet again!